Home is where the heart is

Well, here I am.

After I caught my mother reading my pathetic, teenaged xanga I vowed to never put my thoughts on the internet again, but look who's a hypocrite. Don't judge. It's probably the massive cloud of boredom that's been hanging over my head ever since school's been out for break...need I mention it's only been 6 days? How am I ever supposed to manage an entire 3 month long summer again!? Don't get me wrong...I love going home. In fact, I crave it. But then, like every other thing on this earth: once I have it, I find ways to become tired of it.

Generally my days at home consist of waking up at the crack of 10:30, groggily walking downstairs to make a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, and then talking my mom into either A) seeing a movie B) shopping or C) going out to lunch. As you can see, I try to talk her into anything that will get me out of the house and make me feel like I have a semblance of a life-nevermind the sad fact that my 16 year old brother is busy juggling girls and attending a variety of high school parties till the wee hours in the morning. It's really not that bad though...I enjoy having absolutely nothing to do. Such a change from the ever busy weeks during the school semester.

I've found that home is what grounds me in this fast-paced life. No matter how much I gripe about being bored, or lacking a social life- it's because of all of this that I am forced to deal with myself. Just me. Nobody else. Thank God for that. Because honestly, I don't think I would ever take the time to focus on myself if I wasn't forced to. Sometimes this can be bad because I sit around and pick out flaws in my life or relationships and scheme detailed plans on ways to change things so my life can be like all the romantic movie scenes constantly playing in my head. But ultimately, I realize that life is life and it really is beyond my control. What I'm saying is that I eventually get slapped in the face by the Big Man. You know, God. We exchange some words generally along the lines of:
God: "Lindsay, we haven't talked in SO long."
Me: "I know I know, could you not rub it in? I've been busy...and stuff"
God: (laughing) "Oh really? Too busy for eternity...?"
Me: "Dangit, you pulled the eternity card again...fine, fine I'm working on it"

I then realize how stupidly involved in the world I have become and vow to change my ways. This is nice, but does it ever really happen? That would be a big fat no. It's funny, too - because I think that somehow I can outsmart God and have this appearance of a great relationship, but I am secretly thinking about what new shoes I want or when I can read Twilight again. But hey, I'm trying, just like everyone else in this world. We're all trying (to some degree) and failing miserably because we are broken. This verse really says it all...

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." -Matthew 6: 19-21