When a video game strips you of self-confidence

Ladies and gentlemen,

Wii fit is the devil. You know, the fitness game that you can play on the Nintendo Wii. Well, here's the deal...I work with a kid who has Autism a couple of days every week after school. We do his homework together and work on general communication skills. Every 45 minutes or so we take a break from homework. This break usually consists of playing the wii. For those of you who don't really know what wii fit entails here's the reader's digest version: the first time you play, you step on the sensory pad and it analyzes your BMI, fitness level, etc. etc. and at the grand finale it presents you with your "wii fit age" a.k.a. the age that matches your BMI, level of activity and all that jazz. The reason that I am even doing all of this in the first place is because the kid I work with informed me that I was way too large to play under his account and it would mess up all of his scores during the fitness games...great. So I'm being a great team player and all and letting it assess me. The whole time I'm casually thinking that this can't be all that bad. Wrong. It finally finishes assessing me and presents me with my wii fit age of.................

drum roll................31. Ladies and gentlemen, according to this game and the health statistics it uses I am 31 frickin years old. I immediately wanted to punch the tv in and bitterly scream that oh hey they were only off by 10 fricken years but the only reason I restrained myself was the sheer fact that throwing something at a tv that A) wasn't mine and B) was in front of an Autistic child who has anger issues probably would not be the most intelligent thing to do. So, after I regain composure the little wii character proceeds to give me pointers on how I can lose some poundage. Sweet. I'd like to think the guy who made this game was sitting there shoving pizza down his throat through the entire process...why don't you get off your lazy butt and do some exercise buddy!? Anyways, I continue to alleviate my sudden stress by assuring myself that it is just because of the northface and sweat pants I am wearing. Duh. I then pick my first game: heading soccer balls. I get done with it and have surprisingly done fairly well. I am excited at this point because I think I can show the wii fit man who's boss...UNTIL a little message pops up with these words of death: "Make sure you are cutting out those afternoon snacks!"

Really? Really wii fit? That's it...I'm done. I will never play you again.

The end.