When a video game strips you of self-confidence

Ladies and gentlemen,

Wii fit is the devil. You know, the fitness game that you can play on the Nintendo Wii. Well, here's the deal...I work with a kid who has Autism a couple of days every week after school. We do his homework together and work on general communication skills. Every 45 minutes or so we take a break from homework. This break usually consists of playing the wii. For those of you who don't really know what wii fit entails here's the reader's digest version: the first time you play, you step on the sensory pad and it analyzes your BMI, fitness level, etc. etc. and at the grand finale it presents you with your "wii fit age" a.k.a. the age that matches your BMI, level of activity and all that jazz. The reason that I am even doing all of this in the first place is because the kid I work with informed me that I was way too large to play under his account and it would mess up all of his scores during the fitness games...great. So I'm being a great team player and all and letting it assess me. The whole time I'm casually thinking that this can't be all that bad. Wrong. It finally finishes assessing me and presents me with my wii fit age of.................

drum roll................31. Ladies and gentlemen, according to this game and the health statistics it uses I am 31 frickin years old. I immediately wanted to punch the tv in and bitterly scream that oh hey they were only off by 10 fricken years but the only reason I restrained myself was the sheer fact that throwing something at a tv that A) wasn't mine and B) was in front of an Autistic child who has anger issues probably would not be the most intelligent thing to do. So, after I regain composure the little wii character proceeds to give me pointers on how I can lose some poundage. Sweet. I'd like to think the guy who made this game was sitting there shoving pizza down his throat through the entire process...why don't you get off your lazy butt and do some exercise buddy!? Anyways, I continue to alleviate my sudden stress by assuring myself that it is just because of the northface and sweat pants I am wearing. Duh. I then pick my first game: heading soccer balls. I get done with it and have surprisingly done fairly well. I am excited at this point because I think I can show the wii fit man who's boss...UNTIL a little message pops up with these words of death: "Make sure you are cutting out those afternoon snacks!"

Really? Really wii fit? That's it...I'm done. I will never play you again.

The end.

Are you tired? Cause you've been running through my mind all day

New Favorite Movie: "He's Just Not That Into You"



Of course my friends and I saw it on Valentine's Day, seeing as it is the perfect, romantic, mushy movie that is required of such a holiday...not. Seriously, why would you drag your poor, unknowing boyfriend to see a movie titled he's just not that into you on a day that is supposed to be filled with mushy lovey doveyness? Really? I felt so sorry for all of the males in the audience because the movie totally revolved around how guys are incompetent in relationships, to some degree. Granted, it ended up being your cutesy romantic comedy and the guys redeemed themselves, but I was definitely glad I was with girls for the bulk of the movie.

So in the spirit of the movie and Valentine's day...

A few things NOT to say when breaking up unless you're a complete idiot:
-"It's not you it's me" (be serious-it's ALWAYS her!)
-"I am SO jealous of the guy who gets to marry you" (it could have been you...?)
-"This is for YOUR benefit" (really? isn't that my decision?)
-"I think we should see other people" (are you kidding, just say that you found someone hotter so you're peacing out)

So, go have a date with Ben and Jerry...those men never let you down :)

You are Captivating

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

"Why? Because God knows that our heart is core to who we are. It is the source of all of our creativity, our courage, and our convictions. It is the fountainhead of our faith, our hope, and of course, our love. Your female heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities-as a reflection of God's own heart. "God created man in his own image...male and female he created them" (Gen 1:27). You are a woman to your soul, to the very core of your being.

Look at the games that little girls play, and if you can, remember what you dreamed of as a little girl. Look at the movies women love. Listen to your own heart and the hearts of women you know. What is it that a woman wants? What does she dream of? You'll probably find that every woman in her heart longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive." From Captivating by Stasi Eldredge

I just started reading this book and within the first couple of pages it has me realizing that it is okay to be a girl about things. So often society teaches us that we are overly sensitive, dramatic, needy, etc. It is wrong to be constantly searching for more: more intimacy, deeper relationships. But that can't be farther from the truth. Women are made in this way as a reflection of the life that God created us to live. They help us in our relationship with Him. I'm not saying that some of the feminine characteristics never get taken too far, but the last thing you should do is to try and change them, to erase the way that you naturally are. Don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't long for more in this life. Embrace yourself. God does.

No, I did not eat rice krispy treats while posting this

Things that I could live without ever encountering again (in order of disturbingness):

1) Carl, our house cook's, chunky supposedly homestyle meatloaf. (I swear I've seen him find random kitchen utensils to blend in for extra crunch)
2) Finding crusty disney princess underwear from the last person in the corner of your new room along with waxy earplugs, used q-tips, and ungodly amounts of hair nests.
3) The real housewives of Orange County (just plain SAD)
4) Joe, the family dog's, pools of saliva on the hardwood floor, literally.
5) Really high heels (Come on people, I've been 5 ft 8 since elementary school, I put on heels and people think they're at the zoo looking at giraffes)
6) Tofu, veggie burgers, etc. Just eat a frickin Big Mac for pete's sake.
7) Billy Mays and all the shamWOW! infomercials, if people actually bought your stuff you wouldn't have to be on infomercials in the first place.
8) Supermodels. You just make us all look bad.
9) Cheese Whiz. Speaks for itself, but anything with the title "whiz" in it can NOT be good news.
10) Lastly, anything math related. No, I do not need to learn about frequency distribution polynomial plots or pythagorean matrices x squared z cubed etc etc. DON'T even get me started on imaginary numbers! WTFrick??! Whoever invented that just wanted to screw the human population over...as if real numbers weren't enough...

Well, just some food for thought. Life's still good, despite the existence of meatloaf.
Peace.
Out.
Girl scout.

Here's to socially awkward people

You know those days where you just happen to run into a hanging file folder as you are exiting from an extremely important job interview and proceed to laugh at yourself without looking behind you at the stunned interviewers who are sure to break into hysterics as soon as you leave?

Yeah, It's been that kind of a day.

I always knew I was socially awkward, but this irrevocably confirmed it.

nothingness

Ladies and gentlmen,

I suck at blogging. I never have anything to write about because let's face it: I'm stuck at my semi-recently moved to home aka friendlessville, so therefore nothing post-worthy arises. BUT THEN I had a great idea...how about you write about NOTHING! Well, not exactly nothing but what has occupied my time during this period of nothingness...in hopes that you will be inspired when you are struck with boredom. Therefore, I give you

Lindsay's list of things to do when you're so bored you have begun searching for sharp objects to poke your eyes out with:

1) Read Twilight...all FOUR of them.

Now, I know what you're thinking...ew, vampires I'm not in to all that scifi crap. But WAIT. It's a love story. In fact, probably the most romantic love story I have ever read, rivaling Romeo and Juliet. People would kill me for this statement, but come on...Romeo and Juliet is so 1800's. I promise that if you have read through at least half of the first book and are not totally in love with Edward Cullen then you can smack me. After reading these books I have literally found myself depressed at the fact that Edward Cullen is a fictional character. Just ask my boyfriend...he'll tell you all about it. It's sick.

2) During all this down time you WILL crave junk food, so:


That's right. No Pudge Fudge Brownie Mix. No fat and only 110 calories AND it tastes just like the real deal!

3) Surf Videos on Demand. Some recent viewings include: Burn After Reading (very weird but hey, brad pitt is FINE), What Happens in Vegas (great chick flick), and The Women (hilarious, not a single man in the movie).

4) Hit up Sonic Happy Hour. 2-4 pm every single day.


5) Take your maniacal un-trained dog, Joe, for a walk and laugh when he takes a huge dump in the neighbor's yard. Give him a break though, Pup Scouts just started on Monday. No. I'm not kidding. For the next few weeks Joe will be regularly attending Pup Scouts where he will learn how to act somewhat decent so as not to embarrass us in public. Aka, no more pooping on the white carpet and then walking through it to smash it in there.

6) Enjoy your nothingness. Sometimes having absolutely nothing to do is great.



Life is beautiful. God is great.

Unfortunate Fashion

Mom jeans. The higher the better.




Apparently they have made a comeback.



New Year's Resolution: NEVER succumb to mom jeans.

Cheers 2009.