Stop this Train

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I. can. do. it.

This is what I have to keep repeating to myself, or else I drown in anxiety. I knew this semester was going to be challenging, having my own speech clients and all, but I just thought that I would feel more prepared. I literally walked into my first clinic team meeting and had 4 client files the size of Enrique Iglesias' mole thrown at me. What? You want me to look at people's medical history and decide the best possible treatments? I don't even have a degree yet! It baffles me, but I am thankful for the experience all the same. I promise my blog posts won't all revolve around my countless struggles as a clinician...I just needed to get that out. Oh yeah, and I just painted my nails navy blue because I was feeling adventurous. Some may say that would interfere with the professional look I need right now...I just like to think I'm trendy.

In other news, my life is just great. I'm really learning to be thankful each and every day and it's truly amazing seeing how God takes care of you...especially when you really need it. He provides peppermint mochas from starbucks when you need a caffeine boost and John Mayer when you need to relax. (ok, I just like these things, but whatev) I happened to be listening to Continuum the other day and I just LOVE these lyrics:

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see..

Things I love about being home:

1) Waking up whenever the heck I want to
2) Movie dates with my mom that always include popcorn
3) Catching up on reading...I LOVE to read (favorite book right now: Firefly Lane)
4) Home-cooked meals that do not include nasty vegetables because my mom and I have the same taste
5) Not having to spend near as much money
6) Tennessee. Plain and simple.
7) Joseph Carl. (He's a dog...I'm sure you guessed from the name)
8) Wearing whatever the heck I want because I have no social life here (Pajama pants are now acceptable when running small errands)
9) Roaming the streets of Franklin, shopping for nothing in particular
10) Having time. To do anything and nothing all at once. It's beautiful really and I take it for granted.

Winter break, you're almost over and as much as I'm excited to see everyone again and start my practicum...you will be missed, especially during the times when I'm so stressed I just want to poke my eyeballs out with sharp #2 pencils...which I know will most likely happen. But it's okay. Cause I know I always have home to go back to.

And just because I'm feeling extra musical today I will leave you with some great artists I've been listening to all break: Ingrid Michaelson, Missy Higgins, A Fine Frenzy, The Weepies, and obviously, Norah Jones :)

New Year. New Beginning.

Hello 2010. I'm back.

So I took a little hiatus from the blogging world...just wasn't feeling it, you know. A lot of things have happened both good and not so good, but that doesn't really matter. Life is good. I feel like I'm starting to figure out more of where I want to head/where God wants me to head (and trying to make those two align!) That being said, I'm making 2010 the best yet. It's going to be a year of immense change and discomfort I'm sure, so it's a good thing that I'm never doing it alone. Grad school apps are for the most part done, so now it's basically a waiting game until March/April. Where will I end up? Who the heck knows, but that's the beauty of it! In lieu of explaining the past 3 months of my life, I'm leaving you with my new year's resolutions (mainly to keep myself accountable):

-Complete my new devotional
I'm always constantly telling myself that I need to read the Bible more because I'm so uneducated in that area and it often leaves me defenseless in religious conversations. So I bought the One Year Inspirational Mini Devotional at Barnes and Noble and got the ball rolling...it's amazing how much happier I am when I'm constantly in the Word.
-Relax
About everything. Where I will be, who I will be with, when I will be there, etc etc. When things start changing I often find myself trying to control as much of my life as I can and I need to just chill. I'm always going to be a planner and whatnot, but there is more of a balance. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry..."
-Exercise
Hah, lets just say it's been awhile. Luckily I'm taking a spinning class this semester, which will force me to workout at least twice a week.

I'm sure I will think of more, but this is what I got so far. I wanted to leave you with this amazing description from a great book. It just makes my heart happy!

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her."
-Donald Miller "Blue Like Jazz"

Life, You're Funny

You want to know something funny, possibly hilarious? Well, it's more of a situation where you're maniacally laughing because it's the only other thing you can do to not fall into a ridiculous heap of pathetic self and sob.

Everything in my life right now has a question mark next to it and I am the world's HUGEST planner. Seriously. I don't know if I will pass the GRE next week, what grad school I will go to, if I will even get into one, how I will find a place to live when grad schools don't even accept you until March or April, what state I will be living in a year from now, my relationship(s), nothing. And this is all hilariously funny because all I can do is let go. Everything is so ridiculously ambiguous that I cannot even TRY to pretend like I can figure it out or do anything about it. I have been praying for ways to learn how to give over control of my life and I didn't even realize this prayer was underway until I sat back and looked. God is just the greatest and He knows way more about what's good for me than I do. So there you go, self, this is all typed up so that you can remind yourself of it when you start to fall apart again.

On a brighter note, I got to observe Traumatic Brain Injury clients work on their social skills today...quite interesting indeed. It's nice to finally feel like you're learning things related to what you'll actually be doing. Props "Intro to Speech Pathology" for not wasting my time!

Ok enough procrastination. Time to study.

Cut me some slack, man

Normally I would not think of myself as an exception to a rule. But I beg to differ in this case: The other week I discovered that I could purchase a weekly summer pass to the student gym, although I am not currently enrolled in summer classes. So I, feeling as if this was God throwing it in my face that couch surfing is not a form of exercise, decide I will be purchasing these weekly passes when I am in town. Let me just give you a run down of my exercise habits...previous to this week, I have worked out a total of 5 times since January. And during those 5 times, you could find me panting like a dog on a treadmill at speed 5.0 wishing I had my inhaler because I'm pretty sure those 5 minutes just spent running caused my lungs to collapse. Needless to say, I have never been one of those girls that was born to run. (I got a B in gym Freshman year of high school, how that is possible I don't even know) What I'm trying to get at is that it's a pretty big deal if I actually spend my own money to be able to workout. So there I am at the rec my first day and I obediently pay the meter for 45 minutes. I treadmill it, elliptical, crunches, etc. and get so into it that I realize I have been in there for 50 minutes. I then frantically grab my things and run out to my car only to find a flipping parking ticket. Ladies and gentlemen, am I really getting fined for wanting to never have to shop at Fashions at Large!? For being 5 minutes late!? This is what I have to say:

Dear Parking Department,
Get off your fat butts and workout. I hope you don't think walking from car to car cuts it. Take it from a girl with chronic Asthma. Think twice when you see my sweet little red Neon with crank windows in the lot.
Fondly, Lindsay

GPSness

So I will no longer be directionally challenged. I finally got a Garmin. Her name is Peg. Because she seems butch. She speaks great English. She loves to recalculate when I constantly miss turns. She. Is. A. Lifesaver.

Love ya Peg.

Poopy underpants smell bad

Meh. A lot has been happening, but I'm just not in the mood to blog about it. So why am I on here? That is a great question.

Things I have been doing (these are not jokes):
-Cutting off poop filled underwear
-Washing my hands 39423 times
-Getting slapped in the face
-Being bitten down my leg (corn on the cob style)
-Dabbling in some cooking
-Receiving a $40 parking ticket
-Driving 460 miles a week
-Filling my gas tank 4 times a week
-Eating lots of ice cream
-Pondering purchasing a GRE test prep book
-Putting off said purchasing of test book due to lack of motivation for anything school related

Needless to say...my new job is testing my physical and emotional limits. But hey, I have it for a reason.

On another note: I'm considering Twitter even though I was once creeped out by it. Thoughts?