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Text Conversation with Bonnie

Mom: you'll love this- I'm going to a black tie academy award party tonight and I'm wedging my body into your old black prom dress. The good news is the people are all old and can't see well!

Me: HAHAHA that dress is fairly tight! Get it girl...

Mom: Well it's the only one that's stretchy and doesn't have a zipper...not sure if I can sit in the dress or not though

Me: you are a piece of work, take pics hott stuff!

Mom: maybe...I'm gonna go steal one of your brother's trophys as my academy award

Me: glad your kids could prepare your outfit for this night...

Mom: Ha! that's why I had them

Me: lucky for you I'm quite trendy and don't weigh 300 pounds

Mom: true but I think the dress would be a little more comfy if you were larger...

*Yes, this really happened. And this is why my mom is awesome.

Stop this Train

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I. can. do. it.

This is what I have to keep repeating to myself, or else I drown in anxiety. I knew this semester was going to be challenging, having my own speech clients and all, but I just thought that I would feel more prepared. I literally walked into my first clinic team meeting and had 4 client files the size of Enrique Iglesias' mole thrown at me. What? You want me to look at people's medical history and decide the best possible treatments? I don't even have a degree yet! It baffles me, but I am thankful for the experience all the same. I promise my blog posts won't all revolve around my countless struggles as a clinician...I just needed to get that out. Oh yeah, and I just painted my nails navy blue because I was feeling adventurous. Some may say that would interfere with the professional look I need right now...I just like to think I'm trendy.

In other news, my life is just great. I'm really learning to be thankful each and every day and it's truly amazing seeing how God takes care of you...especially when you really need it. He provides peppermint mochas from starbucks when you need a caffeine boost and John Mayer when you need to relax. (ok, I just like these things, but whatev) I happened to be listening to Continuum the other day and I just LOVE these lyrics:

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see..

Things I love about being home:

1) Waking up whenever the heck I want to
2) Movie dates with my mom that always include popcorn
3) Catching up on reading...I LOVE to read (favorite book right now: Firefly Lane)
4) Home-cooked meals that do not include nasty vegetables because my mom and I have the same taste
5) Not having to spend near as much money
6) Tennessee. Plain and simple.
7) Joseph Carl. (He's a dog...I'm sure you guessed from the name)
8) Wearing whatever the heck I want because I have no social life here (Pajama pants are now acceptable when running small errands)
9) Roaming the streets of Franklin, shopping for nothing in particular
10) Having time. To do anything and nothing all at once. It's beautiful really and I take it for granted.

Winter break, you're almost over and as much as I'm excited to see everyone again and start my practicum...you will be missed, especially during the times when I'm so stressed I just want to poke my eyeballs out with sharp #2 pencils...which I know will most likely happen. But it's okay. Cause I know I always have home to go back to.

And just because I'm feeling extra musical today I will leave you with some great artists I've been listening to all break: Ingrid Michaelson, Missy Higgins, A Fine Frenzy, The Weepies, and obviously, Norah Jones :)

New Year. New Beginning.

Hello 2010. I'm back.

So I took a little hiatus from the blogging world...just wasn't feeling it, you know. A lot of things have happened both good and not so good, but that doesn't really matter. Life is good. I feel like I'm starting to figure out more of where I want to head/where God wants me to head (and trying to make those two align!) That being said, I'm making 2010 the best yet. It's going to be a year of immense change and discomfort I'm sure, so it's a good thing that I'm never doing it alone. Grad school apps are for the most part done, so now it's basically a waiting game until March/April. Where will I end up? Who the heck knows, but that's the beauty of it! In lieu of explaining the past 3 months of my life, I'm leaving you with my new year's resolutions (mainly to keep myself accountable):

-Complete my new devotional
I'm always constantly telling myself that I need to read the Bible more because I'm so uneducated in that area and it often leaves me defenseless in religious conversations. So I bought the One Year Inspirational Mini Devotional at Barnes and Noble and got the ball rolling...it's amazing how much happier I am when I'm constantly in the Word.
-Relax
About everything. Where I will be, who I will be with, when I will be there, etc etc. When things start changing I often find myself trying to control as much of my life as I can and I need to just chill. I'm always going to be a planner and whatnot, but there is more of a balance. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry..."
-Exercise
Hah, lets just say it's been awhile. Luckily I'm taking a spinning class this semester, which will force me to workout at least twice a week.

I'm sure I will think of more, but this is what I got so far. I wanted to leave you with this amazing description from a great book. It just makes my heart happy!

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her."
-Donald Miller "Blue Like Jazz"

Life, You're Funny

You want to know something funny, possibly hilarious? Well, it's more of a situation where you're maniacally laughing because it's the only other thing you can do to not fall into a ridiculous heap of pathetic self and sob.

Everything in my life right now has a question mark next to it and I am the world's HUGEST planner. Seriously. I don't know if I will pass the GRE next week, what grad school I will go to, if I will even get into one, how I will find a place to live when grad schools don't even accept you until March or April, what state I will be living in a year from now, my relationship(s), nothing. And this is all hilariously funny because all I can do is let go. Everything is so ridiculously ambiguous that I cannot even TRY to pretend like I can figure it out or do anything about it. I have been praying for ways to learn how to give over control of my life and I didn't even realize this prayer was underway until I sat back and looked. God is just the greatest and He knows way more about what's good for me than I do. So there you go, self, this is all typed up so that you can remind yourself of it when you start to fall apart again.

On a brighter note, I got to observe Traumatic Brain Injury clients work on their social skills today...quite interesting indeed. It's nice to finally feel like you're learning things related to what you'll actually be doing. Props "Intro to Speech Pathology" for not wasting my time!

Ok enough procrastination. Time to study.

Cut me some slack, man

Normally I would not think of myself as an exception to a rule. But I beg to differ in this case: The other week I discovered that I could purchase a weekly summer pass to the student gym, although I am not currently enrolled in summer classes. So I, feeling as if this was God throwing it in my face that couch surfing is not a form of exercise, decide I will be purchasing these weekly passes when I am in town. Let me just give you a run down of my exercise habits...previous to this week, I have worked out a total of 5 times since January. And during those 5 times, you could find me panting like a dog on a treadmill at speed 5.0 wishing I had my inhaler because I'm pretty sure those 5 minutes just spent running caused my lungs to collapse. Needless to say, I have never been one of those girls that was born to run. (I got a B in gym Freshman year of high school, how that is possible I don't even know) What I'm trying to get at is that it's a pretty big deal if I actually spend my own money to be able to workout. So there I am at the rec my first day and I obediently pay the meter for 45 minutes. I treadmill it, elliptical, crunches, etc. and get so into it that I realize I have been in there for 50 minutes. I then frantically grab my things and run out to my car only to find a flipping parking ticket. Ladies and gentlemen, am I really getting fined for wanting to never have to shop at Fashions at Large!? For being 5 minutes late!? This is what I have to say:

Dear Parking Department,
Get off your fat butts and workout. I hope you don't think walking from car to car cuts it. Take it from a girl with chronic Asthma. Think twice when you see my sweet little red Neon with crank windows in the lot.
Fondly, Lindsay

GPSness

So I will no longer be directionally challenged. I finally got a Garmin. Her name is Peg. Because she seems butch. She speaks great English. She loves to recalculate when I constantly miss turns. She. Is. A. Lifesaver.

Love ya Peg.

Poopy underpants smell bad

Meh. A lot has been happening, but I'm just not in the mood to blog about it. So why am I on here? That is a great question.

Things I have been doing (these are not jokes):
-Cutting off poop filled underwear
-Washing my hands 39423 times
-Getting slapped in the face
-Being bitten down my leg (corn on the cob style)
-Dabbling in some cooking
-Receiving a $40 parking ticket
-Driving 460 miles a week
-Filling my gas tank 4 times a week
-Eating lots of ice cream
-Pondering purchasing a GRE test prep book
-Putting off said purchasing of test book due to lack of motivation for anything school related

Needless to say...my new job is testing my physical and emotional limits. But hey, I have it for a reason.

On another note: I'm considering Twitter even though I was once creeped out by it. Thoughts?

The Next Betty Crocker

Oh, sweet sweet summertime. How I love you.

Except for the fact that you have left me all by my lonesome, and forced me to learn how to become Nancy Homemaker. Just to give you a little glimpse of how clueless I am: last week I learned how to run the dishwasher and cook things in a skillet. This makes me sound ridiculously stuck up, but it's really just that I have lived in the dorms/sorority house/my parents' house for my entire life and none of those required either of the sort. I actually wish my mom would have showed me the ropes a little sooner so I could be Betty Crocker by now.

Don't even get me started on grocery store outings. I am like a lost puppy. I don't even fricken know how to properly purchase chicken breasts. Each aisle consists of me redialing my mom and asking her what she usually buys and how you store each type of food. I've decided this summer that I'm either going to have to hit up Wal-Mart for some elastic wasit pants because I will eat out too much due to the above lack of knowledge, or I'm going to get some rare food-borne illness due to inappropriate storing, cooking time, etc. Sweet.

Other than my malnourishment, apartment life is pretty sweet. My own washer and dryer, full kitchen, tv with dvr, 2 amazing roomies...way fun. I've been lucky enough to have some free time before my job starts tomorrow. I've already realized that I love alone time almost as much as I love being social. I love getting to do whatever I want to do, crank the music up, you name it. But I also love that I get to actually be with friends this summer. I have been so used to going home where I no longer know anyone and having to hear about my friends summer adventures secondhand. Community is so great. I'm sure I will learn a lot about myself this summer and I'm pretty excited about it. Well, I'm off to fold some laundry.

Much love.

Death by Finals

I hate finals week with the burning passion of 1000 fiery suns. All there freakin is to do is study, procrastinate about studying, watch others study, eat 4 meals a day, eat snacks, plan your entire day around Karl's study snacks at 9:30 pm and occasionally sleep. It's quite ironic that you are the busiest you have ever been during the semester at the same point that you have no motivation left and could really care less about your scholarly ambitions. Read: Finals. are. pointless. It's sad that you can be doing so well throughout the entire semester and then have the possibility of one final test ruining it all. Whatev. I'm over it. Is it bad that I was sort of hoping the Swine Flu would strike in my area and cancel finals...?

Never fear: This baby is here to help

A surprisingly non-socially awkward encounter

So, remember that horrid story of me running into a filing cabinet during an interview? Well, ladies and gentlemen, needless to say I was not asked to have that position at that time. BUT. Guess where I was today? Oh just interviewing for that same position again, nbd. Why? Because apparently they picked some sketchball instead who copped out before the summer. Told ya so. Anyways, I revisited that claustrophobic little office room and took a second stab at it. And it went pretty well I have to say. No run ins with inanimate objects, unfortunate pit stains, or embarrassing stutters so who knows, I might actually have a chance. Details to come later.

Countdown to living in my own place: 7 days!!!!

Searching for an Undivided Heart

So lately I 've been trying to do a little reconstructive surgery on myself. Not in the literal sense, of course, but in the sense that I have been peacing out on the big man and trying to fill that void with friendships, relationships, school, shopping, you name it. Food may or may not be included in the void-filling list...don't judge I'm an emotional eater, so sue me.

Anyways, whenever I get down on myself I start to nit pick at things that I don't like in my life. When I finally catch myself doing this I tend to whip out my Bible and try to re-prioritize. Last night, I happened to open up to Psalms (which I love by the way because they are probably the most beautiful things ever written) and my eyes caught this little verse:

"Teach me your way, O Lord,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name."
--Psalm 86:11

And then it was like I had an epiphany. Don't you just love when that happens? It's so rare for me (I'm slow) that I just get so excited when it happens. What I realized is this: my heart is divided as heck! Because of my rollercoaster relationship with God, I have turned to earthly things and people to fill my longing for something more. When in reality I need to wake the heck up because God is constantly giving me all of this but I didn't even realize. So that, my friends, is a golden nugget. Is your heart divided among things? Are you looking for people to give you more because you forget that God is already giving it to you? Just something to think about.

Love.

My Sincerest Thanks

Dear Sonic Happy Hour,

Your half price drinks and slushes from 2-4pm never cease to amaze me. How did you know that I tend to need a refilling of my diet coke IV at just those times? And what cheap prices! I really couldn't ask you for anything more. Well, except that the voice behind the intercom not be so disturbing. Seriously, I made the mistake of ordering a medium instead of a large and the creepo on the other side asked (insert Napoleon Dynamite with gay tendencies voice) if I was sure I didn't want to upgrade to a large for 17 more delicious ounces? Not even kidding. Who knew a simple fountain drink could warrant such descriptiveness. Nevertheless, I will always remain loyal to you. Keep on doin what you do.

Sincerely,
Lindsay

He is risen.


<3

Double Yew. Tee. Eff.

Before the 1.5 people that actually read my blog freak: I changed my url from "hesitanttraveler" because let's be honest...I may or may not have realized that it made me sound like a pathetic, brooding loser who is afraid to do anything. Thus, the switch to a more bandwagon-esque url involving my first and middle name. I know you were interested.

On a more interesting note: I walked out to the TV room in my sorority to find two baby ducks swimming in an inflatable baby pool...double yew. tee. eff? Their owner's explanation was that it was almost Easter. Right. Cause clearly Jesus' resurrection involved ducks... how could years of Sunday school have forgotten this vital fact!? Whatever, I really have seen it all living here.

This sort of relates, and yes, it actually happened: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847

So what makes you say wtf?

What's goin on

Can I just say...

-I get to enjoy the perfection that is Cactus Grills' espinaca tonight
-Bonnie will be in town all weekend
-I will be the proud resident of a town home in approximately 2 months
-Which means I will teach myself how to cook things other than cookies and macaroni
-Partial LET member will be 21 in approximately 6 days
-I'm pretty sure I have some rare eye fungus, seeing that my eye has been bloodshot for literally 2 weeks
-I have a potential job offer this summer working with an Autistic kid
-I was serenaded by "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" from the Autistic kid I currently work with
-I can't wait to hopefully take kids to camp this summer
-I am finally learning to be content

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." -1 Peter 3:3-4

Perfect.

Really?

You know you're in the south when the car in front of you has a scrolling blue LED light display with a Bible verse on the back of their car...intense much?

Sin City

unfortunate moments in las vegas:
-standing next to 2 guys making out
-standing next to 2 girls making out
-being handed naked girl baseball cards on the streets
-being accosted by a homeless drunk mumbling about the devil
-seeing every largely overweight woman feeling the need to wear skintight tanktops and/or bikinis
-piercings in places i didn't even know could be pierced
-billboards featuring australian men in "thunder from down under" (use your imagination)
-being carded 3483242 times while wandering through the casinos...sucks looking like your 15
-leash kids

highlights:
-old lady in airport telling me i look like jennifer aniston
-dessert after every meal
-freaking uhmazing outlet malls
-blue man group and cirque de soleil
-$50 richer...thank you slot machines
-meeting up with the love
-going to a nightclub and watching a girl dance with herself in front of a mirror

all in all, a successful and fun girls trip. they definitely call it sin city for a reason. it's good to be home...well, until i took my dog to the dog park and watched him mount every dog within a 5 mile radius...but that's another story!

peace. love. and vegas.

When a video game strips you of self-confidence

Ladies and gentlemen,

Wii fit is the devil. You know, the fitness game that you can play on the Nintendo Wii. Well, here's the deal...I work with a kid who has Autism a couple of days every week after school. We do his homework together and work on general communication skills. Every 45 minutes or so we take a break from homework. This break usually consists of playing the wii. For those of you who don't really know what wii fit entails here's the reader's digest version: the first time you play, you step on the sensory pad and it analyzes your BMI, fitness level, etc. etc. and at the grand finale it presents you with your "wii fit age" a.k.a. the age that matches your BMI, level of activity and all that jazz. The reason that I am even doing all of this in the first place is because the kid I work with informed me that I was way too large to play under his account and it would mess up all of his scores during the fitness games...great. So I'm being a great team player and all and letting it assess me. The whole time I'm casually thinking that this can't be all that bad. Wrong. It finally finishes assessing me and presents me with my wii fit age of.................

drum roll................31. Ladies and gentlemen, according to this game and the health statistics it uses I am 31 frickin years old. I immediately wanted to punch the tv in and bitterly scream that oh hey they were only off by 10 fricken years but the only reason I restrained myself was the sheer fact that throwing something at a tv that A) wasn't mine and B) was in front of an Autistic child who has anger issues probably would not be the most intelligent thing to do. So, after I regain composure the little wii character proceeds to give me pointers on how I can lose some poundage. Sweet. I'd like to think the guy who made this game was sitting there shoving pizza down his throat through the entire process...why don't you get off your lazy butt and do some exercise buddy!? Anyways, I continue to alleviate my sudden stress by assuring myself that it is just because of the northface and sweat pants I am wearing. Duh. I then pick my first game: heading soccer balls. I get done with it and have surprisingly done fairly well. I am excited at this point because I think I can show the wii fit man who's boss...UNTIL a little message pops up with these words of death: "Make sure you are cutting out those afternoon snacks!"

Really? Really wii fit? That's it...I'm done. I will never play you again.

The end.